AJNA–Listen to your inner instruction. You are all the answers.

My Lululemon mat has this quote at the top, always reminding me of the true goal of yoga; not to become a new person, per se, but to return to who I was created to be! Coming back to my mat, stripped of all the muck, insecurity, jealousy, anger, depression, and other crap that we are conditioned to live in daily.

I had to say goodbye to my four-legged best friend last week. If you follow me on Instagram, Facebook, or just know me personally, you likely know how much Abner meant to me. He was my only constant in the four short years I had him; a sweet, goofy dog who taught me how to love unconditionally. I will miss him for the rest of my days. He fought valley fever for much longer than I knew, and unfortunately, by the time we caught it, it was far too late, and he passed away in my yard a week ago today. My heart has felt empty and heavy all at the same time. I was very blessed to have my boy.

So as with all pet deaths (or really, deaths or losses in general), there is a necessity to move on from the grief. To recall the beauty, appreciate the blessing of the time you had, and continue on in the journey of life, however difficult or messy it will be. And as most losses go, there is no specific time frame as to what’s “appropriate”.

In the last week, I’ve had some incredible support from family, friends, strangers… everyone has been lovely in expressing their condolences for my loss; acknowledging how big of a deal it is to me, whether or not they can relate on a personal level. Yet I have been increasingly agitated as to how quickly people offer their opinion as to how quickly I “should” move on and get another pup.

Let me clarify: I know these folks are simply showing their concern for me and my feelings. However, every piece of me wants to scream over and over, “This isn’t your decision!”

The yogi in me has been struggling. Anger and quick reactions are not my goal. These are those added pieces I’ve learned and harnessed over the years, and the behaviors I wish to rid myself of in order to live life to the fullest. At the same time, I have found some truth in my reaction; no one is actually in my shoes, nor has to live daily with this particular decision. If I want to get another dog today or never again, it really is up to me. To my heart. To my inner instruction.

I was venting to my mom about all of this, and she wisely said, “It doesn’t matter, Jenna. When you’re ready, you’ll know”. Allowing myself to listen to, well, myself, is harder than it ought to be. It’s easy to be caught up in other’s opinions, especially when they are so readily available, but it only detracts from my truth. And while I believe we should sometimes take other’s feelings into account (obviously if my actions could harm myself or another), it is important to trust my own instincts. Maybe I’m ready to move on. Maybe I’m not. But in this case, I am the only one who will have to live with it.

I am very thankful and blessed to have so many who care about me, my loss, and what my next steps will be. Yet I will take this opportunity to plead “yogi” and process this in my own way. On my mat. With or without a new pup. Too soon or not soon enough. If I choose to listen to my inner instruction, though, I will find, as always, that I am exactly where I need to be.

Namaste, my loved ones. Thank you for taking the time to read my post. Have a lovely week.

Jenna Luckow