I have been using this motto for well over a year now, and I know I’ve posted a bit about it. Every year or so I tend to give myself a focus– I basically refuse to align these goals with New Years because I try to pretend I’m special and different from everyone else (let’s be real… everyone is unique, so I’m only special on a small scale). 

But I’ve been practicing #choosejoy pretty actively, more than just via hash tagging photos, but a legitimate push to see the silver lining in all things. 

It’s funny, seeing the silver lining only comes with a negative connotation, right? After all, things must seem abysmal before you can find the silver lining of a wretched, nebulous cloud.

So instead, I choose joy. That is, attempting not to even give my acknowledgement or energy to the negative. That’s not the same as living in denial (or maybe it is, I’m no expert), but instead an intentional choice to let life’s inevitable annoyances be insignificant. 
Let’s see what that looks like in the real world: getting cut off in traffic, or stuck in traffic, for that matter. There are A LOT of stupid drivers and plenty of drivers who make stupid mistakes. All of us can think of stupid choices we’ve made on the road. But what’s the point in taking it personally? What’s the point in letting it ruin my next 10 minutes or next minute, even? 

Facebook: I go through phases of “I’m not scrolling this week, I promise myself” and then “I’ll spend the next half hour looking through all of this” 😜. Recently, however, I’ve been unfriending some of the negative folks I don’t want to give my energy to, allowing myself not to feel guilty for it. The truth is, I’m plenty aware of the political climate as well as the actual climate and I don’t need constant bickering to surround me. I just don’t. 

Now, I really want to make it clear that I’m also a big hater of “good vibes only”, because that’s just a giant unrealistic expectation of your world. You’ve seen the bumper stickers: shit happens. (Sorry, Mom.)

My point is that the world is incredibly messy and negative and violent and frustrating. Yet, there is magnificent beauty EVERYWHERE. 

I’m absolutely positive I’ve quoted this before, but I will say it again anyhow because it strikes me to my core: “There are always flowers for those who wish to see them,” Henri Matisse. 

Do you look for despair or do you look for beauty? 

I’ve had some real trials in my life. Crippling depression that led to a suicide attempt. Abusive relationships. Rape. Death of loved ones. Things in my life that were out of my control and things that I could control that I didn’t know how to grab a hold of at the time.

I had an ex tell me once that I played the victim too much. That I was convinced the world was out to get me, and that just wasn’t true. He was right. While I had plenty of things I WAS a victim to, the world was not out to get me. It was still in my hands how I could respond to what I was dealt. 

It is in my hands how I can respond to what is around me.

Why did I waste so much time allowing circumstance to control me when it was really supposed to be the other way around? I didn’t know how to choose joy. That doesn’t mean avoiding pain or struggle or trial. Those are unavoidable. 

Choosing joy means letting go of the lingering effects of someone’s words or actions. They weren’t mine to carry anyhow. Choosing joy means consistently making the effort to take responsibility for my own response, my own feelings, my own actions towards others. It means practicing humility when you mess up, which for me feels like quite often. It means changing your tune when you hear criticism dripping from your mouth to encouraging notes– including how you speak to yourself. It means choosing the things, the places, the people that bring out the best in you over what or who might do that better for someone else. It means taking the time to accept yourself as you are and others as they are, while still hoping to highlight the best within anyone. 

Choosing joy takes time. It takes effort. It takes practice. It takes a lot of forgiveness. But it is, thus far, my favorite yearly motto and might make its place as a life motto as a result. 

Live fully, friends, by choosing joy. 
As always, I would love to hear your thoughts! Sending you hugs and joy for the rest of your week! 

The Riverwoman